nick: are you gatsby?

gatsby: old sport, hello, old sport. i am ur neighbour, old sport, named jay, old sport, gatsby, old sport. now, old sport, let me shag ur cousin, old sport.

seblaine:

what do people do if they’re not obsessed with anything

(Source: perriespalace, via beyondobsessedwithhissmile)

amoying:

svvitzerland:

svvitzerland:

how do you compliment a girl in french?

bon appetits

madame more like madayum

(via aworldfullofwinchesters)

deodrant:

its so awkward when u can hear someone peeing

(via casanovacanada)

meladoodle:

*jury voice* we find the defendant guilty! 
“i know you are but what am i?”
*jury is immediately under arrest*

(via darkrai29)

at-boundary-conditions:

what if humans have cheat codes like if you jump 14 times and then punch + kick ok awesome now i can walk on water and do calculus

(via coffee-swirl)

dontfrolictoomuch:

In 2nd grade I didn’t know my teacher’s name for the longest time, so I just kept calling her teacher and she got so mad one day and yelled “MY NAME IS NOT TEACHER. IT IS MRS. MUSTARD. NOW YOU REMEMBER THIS, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” and 5 seconds of silence go by and my five year old self decides to say

is your husband mr. ketchup

and this is the proudest moment of my life.

(via engorgio-reducio)